Problem 2: might be better discussed in a different forum, but I'll put on my Carl Jung hat and say that the grief you feel is due to the fact that you have personified this tree, and when coupled with Problem #1 there is a sympathetic relationship between you and the tree described by "hurt". Perhaps you feel this way because the tree has no job in its current state; make use of it and you will feel better.

And/or plant an oak tree when you take one down. If you build right out of the one that was taken down, then the new sapling should be as big as the one you took down before your building goes back to the earth.

Or you could do rammed earth.

Why not Pine or Fir in the first place since you feelings are not as strong about them?